Intern and MindFuck: Part II

Co-author: Tanuj Choudhary

Disclaimer: This blog is a compilation of accounts by different students and should not be confused as authors’ personal experiences. Any resemblance of undermentioned accounts with authors’ personal lives is just a matter of co-incidence. This blog shall not induce our recruiters to strip us of our present intern offers.

So habituated I was of searching for reasons of my failure that I can no longer figure out why I succeeded this time.

And we are back as promised with this second post of the series Intern and MindFuck. This should clearly exhibit to our recruiter our punctuality and dedication for work.  And now that we have somehow managed to find an intern our credibility to speak on this topic has been established. It won’t be an overstatement if we credit our exceptional resume for our achievements. Thus, we would like to share the ancient secrets of resume building with our readers.  

Part II: CV Confessions

CV is a piece of paper that extensively represents all the insignificant activities undertaken by the undergrad in highly significant manner logically oriented to convince the HR that desired internship is author’s birth right.

Resume Building is the term all undergrads come across in their campus life. All shits that we do are attributed to this highly revered act. Everything an undergrad does is with an intention of incrementing his resume. Finally, his activities no longer determine his resume, his resume determines his activities. And not all can afford to act too and so many lazy brats come up with ingenious ideas to develop data for their resume.  

“Why are you giving liquor to that bitch?” 

“Oye! I can write it as social service in my resume.”

So, in this post, we present you with an insight of an undergrads divine act of Resume Building analyzing how different segment of a resume come into existence.

Aim/Objective:

“To nail the fucking intern” this is what the undergrad has in his mind, however it is not what he writes there. The more polished form of the aforementioned phrase is “To seek an internship opportunity to explore my interest in X.” He doesn't bother about what X is. X is what the company is interested in, his only interest lies in landing up with the intern.

Academic Qualifications:

The most humiliating part for an average undergraduate (Mind it, average!!) where reverse chronological order and decreasing order maintain a close resemblance. Most of the time the undergrad tries to avoid this embarrassment by FONT adjustments.

Courses Undertaken:

Thar-key1: Dude! What was that course we undertook last semester, the one with that maal faculty?Thar-key 2: I just remember the figures. I mean those in the subject code.

If you are an engineering student this situation is not really an exaggeration considering the multitude of courses that are littered upon an undergrad whose contents are often rejected by his subconscious mind lost in perpetual dreams. The only advantage these courses offer is their fancy can be filled in the resumes to exhibit undergrads profound interest and immense knowledge in a subject.

Academic Achievements: 

For most us here, the one and the only academic achievement remains clearing Joint Entrance Examination of IIT. A select few adorn this column with their class ranks, list of scholarships and Olympiads they have cleared. But, lack of substance can never stop a literary genius, many of the undergrads fill this column with achievement that at times clearly illustrate their lost interest in scholarly pursuits,

“I haven’t got much to write in this column, I shall mention the 100% marks I got in Prep. “

Project and Past Experience:

Well the column is meant to reflect upon the traits of taking initiative, pursuing your interests and exploring depths of a topic. At times, it represents resourcefulness and affability of the candidate.

Bond: Abey, what’s your native place called?
Localite: PingPong.
Bond: 'Project in PingPong'
Went to the jungles of PingPong and studied the chemical properties of the  trees to determine their industrial usage in paper production.

 FOR THIS INTERN WE SEEK STUDENTS WITH EXPERIENCE IN MARKETING
Baccha(to a senior): Sir, Meko apni start-up me Marketing Manager ka certi de do. Marketing Intern k liye apply karni h.

Skills:

From fishing to fucking, the list is always open. It’s not about what he knows; it’s what he needs to know. Problem arises when the undergrad can’t figure out what are the pre-requisites for a particular intern. The widely accepted solution is paste a wide list of programming languages and names of all the software you can find on geeks folder on DC++.

Gawaar1: ee MATLAB kaa hota h?
Gawaar2: Must be some sort of dictionary, automatically figuring out what things mean.

Extracurricular Achievement:

All hopes of an undergrad for an intern rest on this extremely overcrowded segment of the resume. This is the only portion of a resume where the author is overwhelmed at the number of options he has. Exceptional quality literature of this segment is expected to veil the inferiority elsewhere. The undergrad expects this section to convince the reader of his exceptional qualities as an employee.

“I know it shows that I take responsibilities but I can’t write that I carried practical files to the prof’s cabin. I haven’t yet got certificate for that.”

Recommendations/Reference:

It’s is believed that adding a reference to your resume leads to multi-fold increase in your chances of landing up with an intern. After all, who is a more trustworthy source then teacher with great experience and daily exposure with the undergrad? But, seeking recommendation has some inherent risks; so reader's discretion is suggested.

Prof: What!?! You are Vishweshwar Vivek. In the morning lecture, you were Tanuj Choudhary??
PROXY SUCKS.