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Array of Chaos Part 1: IDENTITY

There are few moments in life you always despise, the moments when you can’t interpret your own thoughts, you can’t identify with yourself. This article is written in one of such weak moments, since these moments are characterized by the fuzziness of thoughts which offer no such underlying relations, thus the article lacks a unifying theme in itself and is more of a realization of various unrelated emotions. This is first part of the article which has been trisected.

Two years have passed since I have joined IIT Roorkee, but this was enough for me too appreciate an irony of life. No matter how many people you are surrounded with, there will be times when you’ll be made aware of your solo existence, about the perennial loneliness.  When you look around you can’t relate to the horde that surrounds you. With everyone having their own, obviously varying, perception of this world, it’s too difficult to commune with people due to such differences in perceptions and beliefs.  But then this scares you, it does the same to everyone, no one wishes to be secluded, we are social animals after all. We rush towards the crowd seeking for avenues where we can find people sharing similar perceptions of world. We find none, it disappoints us but then still we want to connect to others so we seek for people sharing similar hobbies, if we can’t find any, we engage ourselves with every random activity we lay our hands on. We make our lives hectic to avoid those interstices when we are forced to have the self-realization of being unique, no but we don’t want to be different we want to be similar but better (or what do we want to be?? maybe we don’t even know). So to identify with others we eliminate the uniqueness of ourselves and then every time we are forced to introspect we find ourselves even more intimidated as we can’t commune with others who themselves are running away from their selves in order to commune with others and then we can’t identify with ourselves cause we have willingly moved away from it in order to be similar.

So keen I was to be one with you
Imitating every move though understood few
 Little did I know but reality was
That I was killing me and thou were killing you.


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