"I desire things that will destroy me in the end" -- Sylvia Plath
While looking out of my balcony, I can always spot a single star in the sky. Probably with the pollution level in Bangalore , the dim ones are hard to spot. If it was southern sky, I could bet it was Sirius. But I don't know what direction it is in and I am too lazy to make any efforts to find out. Moreover the name of the star does not matter. However, it has a similar symbolic significance for me as green light had Fitzgerald's Gatsby. A dream well conceived , clearly visualised and yet beyond grasp. A dream thoroughly cherished and yet unattained.
This brings me to another haunting question. How do people start dreaming whatever they start dreaming about? Frankly, it's Gatsby who comes to rescue. Gatsby's dream incidentally was a outcome of exposure to the girl( I wish I remembered her but I don't even care about finding right now) . We can't dream of things we cannot envisage. I think our consciousness is shaped by is shaped by the temporal and physical( probably sometimes mathematical) exposure. A poor can never unless he has experienced the rift that exists . We can't desire things that we are completely unaware of.
But the story does not really end with desiring things. Most of us want something or the other. Content is a fictional state , at most an unstable state where no one can stay forever. But even though we all aspire for greater goals why do only handful of people chase them. Is it fear, ignorance, cynicism or confusion that impede us from pursuing our goals. What incites passion ? I have no clue. The ardent desire to undertake an arduous task to achieve what is aspired is missing in most of us. Why aren't we passionate about things is something that confounds me.
I can't explain why most of us don't have it. But I inkling of how those who have it build it. I think it's a conscious choice which due to the the perfect balance of challenge that it poses and gratification that it offers becomes a deeply ingrained habit. I think I have thrown a few words there but I believe that people who have ever thought about it deeply could clearly understand it.
If I ever get to write to again, I will probably elaborate on that. But for now I will let you mull over it.